Want to get rich quick? Too bad.

Want to get rich quick? Well, that sucks for you because you're probably going to die broke and alone. However, I am writing a book that may help all of you people pull yourself out of food service hell and start making some money.

Considering one of those pyramid schemes? Think again, idiot, because those things fall apart faster than Dell computers. And I don't think your wife will be to happy when she finds out that you blew your "double-wide trailer" fund because you thought you could sell a metric ton of soap. Maybe you'll squeeze your way into the billion-dollar real-estate market? Probably not. Real-estate requires money and a little more business knowledge than you received from dropping out of high school.

However, my book is here for you. Here's how it works:

Step 1: Start a website that generates a lot of traffic. Maybe something where you bitch about stupid crap... people tend to care about that kind of stuff.

Step 2: Write a book about how to make money. Writing a book about cheating on your taxes is also a good idea because we all know all people are assholes who like to take advantage of everything they possibly can.

Step 3: Advertise said book on said site. People will listen to you because you have a website and what you say really makes a huge difference.

Step 4: Rake in the cash.

It truly works! Just listen to this completely real and unscripted quote from Bob:

See! I couldn't pay someone to give my book that kind of praise, and if you can't trust this man who you have never met and who you have no idea is an actor, who can you trust? Obviously you aren't going to trust your friends and family. You are too smart for them. You know that when they tell you it's a bad idea, that they are just trying to keep all the profit to themselves... greedy bastards.

And unlike other get rich quick books, which sell for thousands of dollars, you'll be able to buy my book for only $59.95. This is for a limited time only, so you better hurry up before the deal expires!

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