The world's best pills!
Want to be smart, happy, famous, thin, or even dyslexic? Well then I have just the pills for you! And on top of that, they are sold right here on my website for only $300 a bottle! Can you believe that? I know I can't.
"Now, what are the names of these 'wonder' pills?" you might be asking yourself. Well, it isn't CORTESLIM, NEXIUM, or even the pill that has improved my life the most, PROZAC. No, these wonderful pills are called RIPOFZIUM, or for our mexican friends, PLACEBO.
These pills do everything. Got a neck ache? Take some pills. Can't remember where you left your wallet? Take some pills. Want to over dose because you need the attention? Take some pills. I do it all the time and look at how well my website is run! What my doctors like to refer to as "dependent," I like to think of as living the ripofzium life-style.
Unfortunately I am legally obliged to list off the side-affects: Head ache, shakes, cramps, bloating, fatigue, dyslexia, gastritis, ruptured lungs, heart attack (or heart failure), chlamydia, genital herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, and most commonly, crab ass.
Seriously, if you think you might have crab ass, get it checked out. Both Tom Cruise and Pamela Anderson suffer from extreme cases. Most side affects only occur in adults between the ages of 3 and 36.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, you might be wondering where these wonder pills come from and how they work. Well, most researchers find new medicines bye going deep into rainforests and testing out new plants. I, however, make my pills using an untapped resource: household engine cleaners and stain removers. They work by... well, I don't know how they work. Let's just say that it regulates the imaginary chemical in your body called slupitol. Slupitol makes you feel bad and forget things. It also makes you impotent and stupid. My pill gets rid of slupitol for good when you take only 3 pills a day for the rest of your life.
The best use of my pills is by taking them as an anti-depressant. Kurt Cobain used my pills on a daily basis and look how far he has gotten! So, just take my pills and you'll be happy forever. Just like Kurt Cobain.
I am not addicted. jeremiah@yourapathy.net
© 2004-2005 by Jeremiah